Work Humor Collection

     A great deal of humor, particularly in these years of the late twentieth century, have poked fun at Business life, work, and corporations.  In part this is the result of work being such a big part of our everyday life. It is also, however, also a way to strike back at the slave driver without getting fired. The following are some examples forwarded to these pages. Send me yours.


Stress Control

     The following is from a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas

Hall, an expert in psychobiology. He gave the following example of a coping

skill for job stress.

     When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT days, try this. On

your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where

they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by

Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand.

     When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so

you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable

clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package

containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer and carefully place it on

the bed side table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

     Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it

you will notice in small print the statement that "Every rectal thermometer made

by Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested." Now close your eyes and say out loud five

times, "I am so glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tip

Company."


New Corporate Cost-Cutting Policy

    Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to the  Business Travel standards and Procedures Manual. Effective Monday the  following revised procedures apply:

Lodging

     All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on  business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be  used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

Transportation

     Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial  transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior  to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only  when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized  in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if  a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by  traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.

Meals

     Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition centers, and, Costco, Sams stores etc. often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destinations. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should use "all you can eat" salad bars. This is especially effective for employees traveling together as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without the necessary bother of heating or costly preparation.

Miscellaneous

     All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.

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